Saturday, February 28, 2009

Got job?

Despite the gloomy economic climate, Progressions is looking forward to more new business opportunities out of the country and is currently looking to expand it's team. Applicants please read the requirements before you send in your CVs / Resumes. We can't tolerant stupid questions or people that can't read properly.

REQUIREMENTS
- with proper spoken and written English.
- foreign language (like Thai, Vietnamese, Bahasa Indonesian and "Russellian").
- preferably versed in Mac and anti-Microsoft / PC.
- presentable. straight or not, we don't really care. just don't hit on either of us because we're happily (straight) attached.
- understands the concept of creating brand awareness and the importance of ground PR.
- comprehends the balance between commercial viability and creative direction.
- able to take orders from the two brand owners.
- will never argue (because you'll always be wrong).
- driving license (coz the both of us don't drive).
- not a noob.
- singapore citizens only.
- preferably NOT A DJ as we got that area covered and the last we need is for you to keep begging us to give you a slot.

Pay ranges from $1800 - $2400, with event commissions and medical coverage (only for jellyfish stings and death in the event of a snow avalanche). Perks includes the occasional complimentary plate of nasi lemak for supper, getting drunk and first priority to carry our bags.

Experience is preferred. Fresh grades / Green horns need not apply.

Please email me at youcandoit@progressions.com

most redundant...

I'm like bored beyond being bored. I'm so uninspired to do anything at all. And I can't even bother to do a proper entry. Instead, just to give you something to read about over the weekend... here's an industry insider revelation that will eventually be made to public in due time...


For several months already, Mr Glenn Ong has...


... been (use your imagination) with Miss Watermelon Face.

Seriously, not like anyone really fucking cares. This entry gets the award "most redundant post in the history of this blogsite".

I'm bored. So there.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Invaders must REALLY die!!!

The following below was posted on Facebook by Lionel Michael L.

I'll like to share it as part of the "Invaders Must Die" movement. Afterall, this is but ONE out of many similar incidents that's happening all over the island on an hourly basis. I too have had such unpleasant experience with these non-English speaking individuals.

Read on, feel the rage and feed the wrath. Viva la PROTECTIONISM!



I was ordering food from the cafe downstairs about fifteen minutes ago, and as I queued up to pay for it, this bastard-son-of-a-bitch-ching-chong-i-love-beijing motherfucker cuts my queue by shoving in front of me while shouting what he wants to drink to the lady at the counter.

Naturally I was appalled. I shouted "bastard!" in his ear as he walked off. These motherfucking chinamen come to our country, steal our jobs, cut our queues, give rude and unqualified service and eye our women.

If they want to come to Singapore to work/study, they should pass three tests:
1. An English proficiency exam
2. A Common Courtesy exam
3. A Social Interaction exam

If they fail to pass any of the three, they should be deported back to CHINA where they belong. Those fucks come here to work/study but don't bother adapting to the society. They make things harder for us Singaporeans by trying to instill their brand of fucking Mao-Ze-Dong flavour into our society. They expect EVERYONE in Singapore to speak Mandarin. Hey, you ain't in China you stupid fucks. You're in an island in the Malaysian Peninsula which was colonized by the British. Improve your manners and your English before stepping into MY country you bastard fucks!!! FUCK YOU!!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Fool Who Refuses To Quit!



"We're going down..." - Rafa

WE KNOW!!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Slamdog...



The film is reveling in, and exploiting, the putridness of poverty in the slum. It's glorifying India and it's culture as a shithole. No matter how much some of us hopes that it gets swept under the carpet, Slumdog Millionaire is like a recurring nightmare. It recently created history by sweeping 8 Oscars. Critics will say that it was awesome day at the Oscars for India as the documentary. Fuck off! I still think that it's poverty porn and it's downright exploitative of other people's less fortunate lives.



Some of you will argue that it's a "masterpiece story" about India's social ills, and about human struggle to conquer their short-comings and rising up through hardship. What's so great about that as a movie concept? It's been done like a trillion times before. Spider-man too is about that. Peter Parker stays in a shitty one-room apartment, has problem with rental and is constantly struggling with his true identity. Just look around, that's everywhere! Even in Singapore... the locals are finding it hard to get work (because foreign invaders are taking away their jobs), bills are stacking up, cost of living is escalating and the governing authorities that $400 is enough to offset your financial burdens during the ongoing recession.


"No Oscar nevermind, got GST rebate money can liao!"

Jack Neo's movie Money No Enough is also based around that rags-to-riches concept. Why don't they give him an Oscar too? Oh, cannot because got Hokkien and the "ang mors" don't understand what is "wah lau, eh!". Yeah right... and they can understand every single word of the fucking inaudible heavy Indian-accent English ladened through out Slumdog Millionaire?

The director Danny Boyle had a brief moment of brilliance with Trainspotting. Then the flops like The Beach and 29 Days Later followed. This desperate attempt at being "serious" has made him somewhat of a poverty pimp who has just given Hollywood the best blowjob ever.


"Dey! Is that your final answer?"

I refuse to watch it despite the media hype because I know that it's a irresistibly preposterous movie. The reason why the whites are lapping this up is because it's dire poverty given a nice coat of gloss. They love it because it exist elsewhere in the world and not in their neighbourhood.

So lets give the movie a couple of awards to let the brown folks know that "we know and that we kind of care in our Hollywood kind of way". Fucking capitalistic hypocrites!

A highly distasteful movie and shys away from the fact that rags-to-riches endings don't often happen in reality. Best cinematography? Come on now. The panel for the Oscars is basically made up of a bunch of blind retards. From the screenshots, I'd say it's just like any other shoe-string budget Bollywood movie with a generous sprinkling of "Engdian" (English with heavy Indian accent).

So for fuck's sake, stop hyping up what seems to be just another ordinary passable movie. Just like the airy Gossip Girl TV series, you won't die if you give this movie a miss. I'm not bothered but I certainly look forward to the see someone make a spoof / parody out of it.


"Ohh, my little poppadom!
Shall we dance around that coconut tree?"


Slumbore...




Monday, February 23, 2009

Liverfool?



Sorry Liverpool fans... but it comes as no surprise (ONCE AGAIN) that Rafa has fucked it up again. It's not that the team is lousy, it's his tactical and technical disabilities that has to be ridiculed on a regular basis.

And what a slap across the face it was when Bellamy struck home! I could almost hear him say, "Fuck yeeeeaah!! In your fucking Spanish face, Rafa!"



Liverpool now trails the league leaders (who else?) by SEVEN points

Sunday, February 22, 2009

They don't make rock music like that anymore...

They say misery loves company
We could start a company and make misery...

Frustrated, incorporated
Well I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what youd pay to see


Misery - Soul Asylum

Put me out of my misery
I'd do it for you, would you do it for me
We will always be busy making misery...

********************



And for those that have not seen it, I think it's one of the most twisted marijuana-inspired popcorn flick ever. No it's not about pineapples. That's why it's banned in this clinically-sedated and creatively-backward country of ours. If you think Superbad was notorious... you were wrong.

Invaders Must Die!


A very appropriate hate-anthem for those that share the same sentiments about the tsunami of foreign dicks and twats that have been coming (still are) over here to take away jobs of almost every imaginable nature. Fuck that shit. I for one ain't going to embrace such an ideology / policy. It's getting way out of hand that they've even taken over my neighbourhood newspaper delivery man's job. Fuck... even the Mama stall (Indian convenient shop) is now run by some insignificant flea from across the border. So where does that leave us? Jobless... frustrated... and desperate. All together now...


Saturday, February 21, 2009

What the hell is wrong?

What's worse than having a spell of bad days in succession?



A bloody fucked-up nightmare.

I'm so not in the goddamn mood.

**********

On a side note :

Indonesia has haze, Malaysia has palm oil, Thailand has tom-yam, Vietnam has coffee, Hong Kong has tim-sum, Brunei has oil, Japan has sushi, Korea has kim-chi, China has too many people, and Singapore has...?

An over influx of foreign "talent".

Friday, February 20, 2009

Please don't ask any stupid questions!



Really really not in the fucking mood!

Quit asking...



... still don't feel like talking about it.

Not in the mood to do anything.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I need to drink... badly!


Long story.

And I don't wanna talk about it.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Stupidity 101 (again!)

Since when did I become an information counter? This email came in this morning and it's just screaming "asking for it"! The only consolation? It's not from a Singaporean so you can take comfort that for once, someone beat you to it!



I'm currently unemployed and have no source of income. Do you have any good free download websites to recommend? I don't like using P2P and I prefer those direct download ones where can download full albums and etc. Not podcasts.

REPLY : You got backside hole right? Can sell, right? Can make some money, right? Looking for sites? My name not Google so can't recommend any to you.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Best Coldplay video ever!

R&B = Rubbish & Bullocks


The happy couple before she gave him S.T.D.

Assaulted by her boyfriend, Chris Brown. Brown was arrested and bailed for US$50,000 on felony charges. Rihanna reportedly suffered bruises, a split lip and bite marks.

Seriously? It had to happen sooner of later. How many listens of the irritating "Umbrella" can one take before you turn violent? Perhaps, he was just doing her a favour of trying to jump start her "ella, ella, ella."

R&B sucks and it's bad for you. Period.

Oh, and all that grinding is likely to give you Herpes!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentines no more...

OK, so Valentine's day doesn't necessarily make lovey-dovey, chocolate toppings, hugs and kisses. For some, it can spell loneliness or heartbreak. For me, I can't be arsed. Flipping the papers, I spotting the news about Glenn Ong and Jamie Yeo's split. Both of which are personal friends. I can only wish both of them a speedy healing process. Good thing is that it was done on amicable terms. No bridges were burnt. So in that sense, the hurt ain't that bad. Somehow.

OK, here's what I can never understand about the press. Whenever they report about a divorce, separation or break-up; they always put up a photo like such...



... and then caption it off as "during happier times".

Like DUH! Isn't that like stating the fucking obvious? What? You think the couple got together ONE LAST TIME just to pose one for OLD TIME sake? Come on! I could think of a handful of alternative captions like...

1. If they only knew what was coming in the months to come.
2. Now you see them, now you don't.
3. All good things must come to an end.
4. Love Will Tear Us Apart (still the best song ever!)
5. What next?
6. Game over.
7. Another one bites the dust (also applicable of newly weds)
8. Who would have known?
9. Come undone.
10. The end of the fairytale.

Hey Glenn / Jamie, I'm in no way making a mockery of your situation. Just taking a piss at the uncreative media at large. Hope everything's resolved in the least painful way... keep your chins up!

I love you but screw 14th Feb!



So really. Tell me. What's the fuss? The point being? No, I'm not bitter because I'm single. I'm not single. But seriously, you mean to say you celebrate your love for your significant other only ONCE a year? One day out of 365 days, you do something nice and romantic? That's all? That's sad. And if you're one that is constantly sucked into such blatant money-making agenda... that's REALLY sad.

So in view of not being victimized into commercialism...



And look what CDs came in the mail today...




... how appropriately anti-Valentine!

Friday, February 13, 2009

TGIF... and then some!



Not to be overly superstitious but I'm staying in after a rather tiring work week. No energy or drive to do anything or think about anything. I'm completely void of any inspiration whatsoever. Just going to crank up some Brian Eno albums, lie in bed and just drift in and out of consciousness. Hope the rest of you enjoy your weekend.

And oh... Happy Bloody Valentine.

When metal goes wrong...

So yet another overly-commercialized calendar date beckons... Valentine's Day. In view of that, enjoy this equally stupid "live" clip of a band that USED to be metals gods.

"I fucking need you more than ever..."
Hahaha... pussy Metallica!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

On a more serious note...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

What is Drum N Bass?

For the uninitiated, here's a look at what Drum N Bass / Jungle is about.

Fanatically hilarious!

Lost In The Sound

JES - Lost In The Sound (Live)

I just love the direction Trance is actually heading, doing away with the predictable euphoric riffs and banging, retaining it's sensibilities in the vocal content, and incorporating dirty basslines (ala Andy Moor). Jes is a hands down winner and she deserves to have the honour to frontline this year's Dance For Life anthem.

For the cocksters asking who she is? Motorcycle (As The Rush Comes). Nuff said.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Blues sings The Blues...


A statement on the Chelsea website read: "Luiz Felipe Scolari has been dismissed as manager of Chelsea Football Club today (Monday) with immediate effect. The Chelsea board would like to place on record our gratitude for his time as manager.

"Felipe has brought many positives to the club since he joined and we all feel a sense of sadness that our relationship has ended so soon.

"Unfortunately the results and performances of the team appeared to be deteriorating at a key time in the season.

"In order to maintain a challenge for the trophies we are still competing for we felt the only option was to make the change now.

"The search for a new manager has already started and we hope to have someone in place as soon as possible. While that continues Assistant Coach Ray Wilkins will take charge of the team on a temporary basis".


A perfect example (which we can all relate to) of EVERYBODY is at fault except the BOSS. The boss is always right even though the boss is an asshole and lacks the knowledge or experience. The boss has no track record but since he has the money... you as an employee can go suck your thumb. Morale of it all? All bosses graduate from the same school. USA. University of Stupid Assholes.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Happy Valentine...

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Stuff dreams are made of...

If I ever hit the lottery or inherit (which is improbable)...
this would be my dream house...



Some people are so inconsiderate!

I usually don't wish people ill but I really hope the old man staying above me fucking drops dead soon! For the past few nights, he's been knocking and drilling at intervals... even in the wee hours of the morning!

We use to complain but he argues that he's doing nothing wrong. You see, he's a sneaky old bastard. He does the noisy work in short burst so even if you called the cops on him, chances is that you won't catch him with his pants down.

This time round, I had to march upstairs to make an issue again because my mom's ill and she needs to rest. You know what he answer was?

"Sleep? Now afternoon already, still sleep?"

Fuck you, you fucking ASSHOLE!

Previously, he built a private MRT stop, a missile silo, a mega-supermarket, a bowling alley, a sports stadium, an airplane strip, a parliament house (he's a grass-root member)...

This week, he hopes to complete this :



I hope he decomposes in there!

Want to order cock?

What I hate about Lunar New Year

This superstitious custom of the Lion Dance ushering a year of wealth is utterly full of crap. The only thing you're likely to get is a fucking migraine. Thankfully, the 15 days of the Chinese Lunar New Year is coming to an end. I've had it with the bloody noise! I don't understand why these fuckers even have to bang away when they're on the road to their next victim... at 8 in the morning!


Gay (pink) Lion

There's really no skill in the gong, cymbal and drum playing. My neighbour's kids does an equally irritating job of banging on their mother's pots and pans... with their bare hands! It's just coordinated noise.

I for one, am not a keen fan of customs and practices. Thus I don't bother to visit relatives during this time... to avoid all the tedious questioning. And neither do I subscribe to COMMERCIALIZED "Hallmark" calendar dates like Valentine's Day, Father's Day, Christmas and etc. The number one thing I don't agree with is throwing a HUGE wedding dinner for all the relatives that you probably never seen before in your life. That particular custom has gone from stupid to fucking redundant.

It's Sunday. Excuse me for being negative and moody. I came home about 4 last night after work. Had a little to eat, showered and slept around 5.30 am. 7.30am, some fucking twat in the block decided to engaged the service of a Lion Dance troupe. I'm having a headache as big as the Esplanade. It feels as painful as this...


OUCH!

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Someday we'll find it...



As we head into the weekend, I'll like to share this once again...
here's to the days of our innocence and childhood :)

Friday, February 06, 2009

Retarded Authority!



As demonstrated DAILY by...



Everyday without fail, at Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal, you'll see the ICA (Idiotic Complacent Assholes) display their inefficiency with utmost stupidity. For those that have been through the custom checks there, you'll know what I mean. There you have TWO metal detector gantries, TWO luggage X-ray machines and enough "officers" standing around to form a soccer team (with reserves). And yet, every time there's a huge queue of people trying to clear immigration, these fuckwads somehow rather choose to open only ONE metal detector gantry, ONE luggage X-ray machine and then deploy a platoon of personnel to stand around asking people to "move forward".

When asked why they don't open up TWO clearance lanes, the answer is... "not enough staff to coop".

Not enough staff? And there you have the bunch of you milling around... TWO persons doing the task meant for ONE person. How many officers do you need to ask people to "move forward"? TWO?

Thus I say, the human resource department as well as the overall-in-charge of ICA should both resign for hiring idiots and running a retarded monkey organization.

And don't get me started with their "always hang" Microsoft-OS passport scanning system either. Which brings me to a recent incident earlier this week...

I walking home after buying food from the neighbourhood coffee shop when I heard a voice shouting "hey you, stop that woman!"

When I turned back to have a look, a slender woman was being chased by an undercover police officer. I rephrase. An undercover FAT-LIKE-FUCK police officer, who obviously WILL NEVER catch whoever he's chasing... not even if the culprit CRAWLED on all fours.

Anyways, I'm not one who like to do other people's job so I played the ignorant card. As the officer BOUNCED passed me, he asked, "why you never stop her?"

"Why? You cannot catch her yourself? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know I'm supposed to do your job. Anyway, my hands are full carrying dinner my family. You should have used your gun or something."

OWNAGE!



I wonder what's the bloody requirement for recruitment into the police force nowadays. What do they hope to achieve from hiring such a fat-fuck? Roll down the hill and crush the criminals to death? Interrogate the suspect by showing your man-breasts? Go on a fucking diet, you pig!

Make you actually wonder, doesn't it? The amount of stupidity that reigns in the HOME TEAM of Singapore. What next? Using a blind man as a sniper in the military?

Don't laugh. Idiots are everywhere! Even at the recent Prodigy concert.

Band breaks into the opening chords of "Out Of Space"

Some random bloke says in really awful Singaporean accent, "fuck man, I've been waiting for this song!"

Friend next to him, "what's this song, ah?"

Bloke replies, "I dunno."

Fucking retarded.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Best Visa Entry Ever... (especially the ending)



Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Mystified with Yukun + P@t @ Majestic Bar (31st Jan)















Many thanks for those that made it to our exclusive gathering of sorts and staggered out at 3 a.m. Appreciations going out to Majestic Bar and their staff for putting up with the drunken shenanigans. Also a huge mucho gracias to Mr Eng of Pernod Ricard for the kind support and endorsement. It's really cool to see a room full of people that kind of know each other, thanks to the network platform of Facebook (it's obvious). Till the next one...