.: yukun :.

"Oei? You still in there?"

Now that I'm completely out of it, I'd like to pay tribute to the mandatory "jail sentence" in the best way that I can. Thank you for wasting so many years of my time and life! It was, to say the least, bloody memorable... in both the good and bad way.

The Singapore Armed Forces (more fondly known as the abbreviated SAF) has been crowned the "Most Powerful Military Force In The World" by the United Nations since from 1965 till present, due to the fact that it has never lost a single war, as it never fought one to begin with.

The SAF is mainly made up of conscripted SINGAPOREAN soldiers.

(note : china / bangla / malaysian / filipino / foreign MALE workers need not go through NS).

The number of active / reserve personnel in the SAF is actually unknown. However, fact remains that at any one time, there are at least 10, 000 chao keng "excused physical duties" soldiers who do nothing but eat, sleep, shit and talk cock at the expense of the country's defence budget.

The SAF came about in the 60's when Lee Kwan Yew' decided to create a world-class military "for the purposes of ensuring peace and sovereignty". From there forth, it become a mandatory conscription of all Singaporean males (i.e. National Slavery). In 1990, National Service was renamed to National Servitude. But in all honesty, nobody gives a flying fuck, since it is the same bloody meaning!

All Singaporean males, when in the prime of their life, are required to sacrifice two years of their life enslaved to National Slavery Servitude (NS) or fondly known as Nonsensical Shit. Till today, all males upon reaching the age of 18 are brought in chains to the island of hell known as Pulau Tekong. The island has a zero % escape rate, thanks to the thick and treacherous jungle and the waters surrounding it. Perhaps, they should have imprisoned Mas Selamat there in the first place!

They will undergo BMT (Basic Military Tekan) to numb their senses and thoughts while enhancing their stupidity level. Training is harsh. Besides gruelling physical training, there is also daily "neural-reprogramming" where the recruits are indoctrinated to pledge their loyalty to Singapore (and it's ruling political party). After three months of it, majority of the recruits end up fiercly obedient to all orders / instructions, no matter how fucking stupid those orders may be. Thereafter, they are then sent to various branches of the military where they are trained to protect Singapore from the very real and credible threats of escaping terrorists, the possible invasion from our neighbouring countries, dengue fever, nuclear attacks and the various political opposition parties.

The soldiers will also learn a special skill which even the US Military has no knowledge of : The Secret Art Of Wayang. i.e. when enemy forces arrive to infiltrate an SAF camp, they will be discouraged after seeing the tough-looking soldiers standing at the gate seemingly ready to eliminate any possible threat. When the enemy decides to drop the whole stupid idea, the soldiers (who probably signed extra guard duty) will "stand-down", proceed on to lean on walls, listen to their portable radio, play Sony PSP, SMS their girlfriends (or boyfriends), talk cock or even take a snooze. This is especially evident when their superiors are not around. Thus the invaluable lesson of working SMART and not working HARD.


Of course, not every recruit that goes through BMT will be able to endure the tough physical and mental torture. A handful of these chao keng kias elite will form the army's most redundant "service support" section and become either office clerks, photocopy boys, store men, Regimental Policemen and the like.

The Singaporean Armed Farces is also made up of "regulars", a group of idiots who actually choose to work in the army full-time. These morons endure years of being shouted at in the ranks until they can claw their way up the top, at which point it will be their turn to shout back at the lower ranks. Such is the completely pointless vicious cycle that flows in the veins of our military.

The reason why these losers elect for a career with the army is simply because they are completely useless and are unable to secure a job in the civilian sector. In other words, they would probably starve to death in the outside world, thus they need a job that clothes them and provides a minimum of THREE square meals a day. Some of these regulars will even be issued an chao keng kias elite to fetch morning coffee each day! Although many dislike the idea of National Slavery Servitude, it is important to provide jobs for these socially useless people so as to lower the poverty rate of the country.

Sadly for the regulars, by the time they are released from their terms (i.e. no longer needed), their minds have regressed into an infant state due to the brain-dead daily routine that they have to suffer in the army. They become as dim-witted as a donkey. This explains why most regulars end up doing jobs that do not require much thinking, i.e. taxi drivers, bus drivers, security guards, selling insurance and other jobs that need only menial labour.


For those not familiar with the ranking system in the military...

For those that have yet gone through it, do not celebrate once you're done with the two years of slavery. In order to maintain a desperate hold over you, the authorities introduced this torture scheme called "in-camp training". Every year, the slaves are recalled for either "upgrades" and "refresher" courses. ICT is affectionately known as "I Can't Tahan (Tolerate)".


I could go on and on taking a piss at National Service but I'm sleepy. It's been a long week and I need some decent sleep. Till I feel the need to take a swing at things again, have a great weekend! In the voices of many before me... "ARMY? WHERE GOT TIME?"