.: yukun :.

Taking notes from my past and current neighbours; as well as from encounters and incidents that I've witnessed... I conclude that a typical Singapore heartlander is :

1. Chinese educated; but possesses a superb command of broken English (Singlish).
i.e. "Later we go sit BUTT and go see PICTURE."
(meaning, to take the BUS to the cinema)

2. Self-centered, noisy and only cares about others for the sake of gossiping. i.e. "What happen to Ah Seng? He owe Ah Long money, ah? Why like that?"

3. Stupid and ignorant. Believes everything the Government and media tells them. i.e. "Must vote them leh, then got upgrading mah!"

4. Thinks Microsoft is better than Mac OS. (see no. 3)
i.e. "School and office use Windows, leh. If no good, why they use, neh?

5. Pretends to queue but will cut the line when the opportunity raises... especially when blindsiding and hijacking a taxi from you on the roads.

6. Reserves seats EVERYWHERE will a cheap tissue paper packet... including onboard ferries to Batam / Bintan / Desaru. I hate to tell them but on international waters, Singapore practices "tak pakai".

7. Subscribes to the stereotype art-of-Singapore-living. Study, get job, find partner, marriage, buy HDB flat, fuck, have babies, send kids to study, retire and work part-time at McDonalds, die in old folks home in Johor Bahru.

8. Sees western values as evil and alienating. i.e. free speech, democracy and promiscuity.

9. Loves his / her cellphone ringtone... although others might find it fucking irritating. (see No. 2)

10. Lies a lot; especially to their retarded kids. i.e. "You better behave or else policeman catch you!"

I could go on to at least 100. I just loathe them although I stay in a public housing. They are every-fucking-where!!! Two of the worst are my left and right neighbours. One has demonic kids that rollerblade along the corridor. The other burns incense that smell like Mumbai and burns prayer papers along the corridor. My wish this Christmas? The kids rollerblading, colliding into the burning bin and setting themselves on fire along the corridor... and me coming to their aid, with kerosene (thinking that it's water).