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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Bachelors A-hoy!

Another year, another 50 "eligible" bachelors... half of which are probably not even heterosexual! But year after year, it's still a good laugh. So in the spirit of taking a piss, here are my 5 nominees to be consider for the list...

No list of any kind is complete without the ultra disillusioned Steven Lim. Multi-talented to say the least. Professional eye-brown plucker, part-time actor-wanna-be, full time attention-seeker and self-proclaimed dead ringer of Pierre Png... and he's most definitely ELIGIBLE. Last heard, he was contemplating pursuing the man-whore business after watching by Deuce Bigalow.

This is Ah Ming. He is a rare find. He is in touch with his feminine side and at the same time, is also very comfortable with his sexuality. You could say he's a sexy bastard. Does he make you horny? Not me. I don't swing that way. Ming loves the great outdoors and adores taking baths in rivers. Oh, one flaw though, he has nipples the size of rocks!

Ah Ming's elder brother MacArthur Toh Choo Beng is not so refined but would appeal to women who like macho men that are full of gusto. If you like it rough and tough, look no further. Once you get past the initial "Kan Ni Nah, Kwa Si Mi?" wall of defence, this man is an onion with so many layers to enjoy. He hates being photographed but is an enterprising bloke that deals in financing (illegal loans), investments (soccer and horses), retailing (DVDs and music CDs) and property (coffee shops).

Here is a royalty. He rules the King Of Fruits. Mr Cheok Chwee Bok, owns acres of plantations and controls 80% of Asia's D24 durian supply. Financially stable beyond words... he is a catch that one should cherish, but not necessary hold. Understandably, his past 4 relationships have been thorny affairs. He may seem to be a hard nut to crack but is actually a softy inside. Has naturally pungent body odour.

In view of the Singapore government's foreign talent / import policy, please include Andy Stitzer, the "boy" ALMOST any girl would love to bring home to meet her folks. A nerd with a dead-end job and has a thing for single mothers. Strangely, he doesn't want sex in a relationship. Yes, this 40-year-old virgin is indeed a treasure in this day and age. However, due to the inexperience, consumation during wedding night may prove to be quite a frustration. He doesn't know anything about the G-spot.

Please note that I don't have any ill-intent and that I'm not making fun of anyone in particular. I'm merely pointing out some of the common stereotypes that EXIST in our society. Unlike the glamourous fancy-pants bachelors that make it to list, these people are real. Well, almost... OK, only ONE of them is.