<"Yukun">

Sunday, November 19, 2006

"Excuse me, this one toilet is it?"

Friends have pointed out my "acute observational powers" and how I've been able to spot the slightest hint of oddity which happens all around us and make a side-splitting comment about it. A gift? Perhaps a career in stand-up comedy? I'll end up offending a truckload of stereotypes if I pursued it. To be fair, I'm just another sad bastard obsessed with other people's stupidity.

I paid a really rare visit to Ministry Of Sound (Singapore) last night as a really good mate of mine John Askew was DJing there. Being a "rare visitor" has it's moments. That very night itself, I got about 5 "how-the-f**k-have-you-been" greetings, a couple of warm handshakes and a few offers of drinks. I'm well, thank you. Could do some cheering up but I'm generally well. But that's not the point of this posting...

I was heading to the toilet / restroom to relief the 5 whisky-cokes and 3 beers I had earlier at Barbaablackchic; and this "not-from-this-country" chap comes up next to me, points to the door... "mate, is this the little boy's room?"

No it's not! It's the damn door that says GENTS in nice bold fonts. And secondly, if you're of a legal age to enter a club, you should know that MEN no longer use the "little boy's room"... unless you still have what we call a "Mr Tinkie Winkie" in your pants. Then you should go consult my "dead cock" neighbour for some chinese medicinal advise. Last heard, the tiger penis remedy was a flop (pun intended). He should have gone for a rhino's one, which comes with a complimentary pair of elephant's testicles. Whilst stock lasts.

Of course I didn't reply as such. Would love to; just to put things into perspective. Don't you just hate redundant questions? i.e. you see me at a club, please don't ask "hey, what are your doing here?"

Oh, I don't know. Maybe I came because I heard that Saddam will be playing his last ever DJ set before he gets hanged. Stupid questions deserve equally stupid answers.

Hang the DJ!!!
As for last night's clubbing experience... well, all I can say is that unless you can endure my minute-by-minute commentary of how some folks dance like they've either hernia or two left feet, you shouldn't ask me out. Thankfully, Deny, Dino, James Bandril and Fitri are somewhat tolerant of Yukun The Scrutinizer.

Coming to a club near you!!!
That very night itself, we saw Sadako (see pix above), couples grinding to pounding trance, girls dancing in circles (a trend that should've died with the 80's), several idiotic cellphone requesters, the No-Smoking-Here Enforcer, Golem (from Lords Of The Ring), Miss Thunder Thighs, Bob "Octopus" Marley, a female Melbourne Shuffler with a facial expression that would send shivers down Saddam Hussein's spine... in general, almost the entire entourage of the freak circus was out to entertain! With so many interesting people around us all the time, how am can you not be observant and miss out on all the sideshows?

Clubbing for some people is about getting pissed drunk, some go for the music, some go for socializing purposes, some go to dance like The Exorcist, while a handful of us go as observers. Very much like the United Nations peace time observers, we mean no harm. Don't mind us. Carry on, please. At least we're courteous enough not to point and laugh... we do it discreetly.

And as I was heading to the "little boy's room" for the 2nd time, I was stopped by a local bloke asking where the EXIT was. I trust that he can't read because although the club might be huge, but there are certainly ample signs plastered all over and for the sake of argument, an EXIT signs looks like...

But truth be told, I was lost the first time I stepped into the club as well. Perhaps giving out little maps at the door for first-timers would be quite a nice welcoming gift. Tour guides are optional at an additional cost.

Anyway, nice seeing you again... Vikki, Remy, Alvin (ex-Centro), Josh (Boy), Sergeant Ricky and etc. The SD card in my brain is running low on memory. Forgive me if I don't mention you here.

*slight hangover*

Thank you very much, Mr Askew. See you for lunch, if you can wake up. I'll bring the Aspirins provided you give me Ali Wilson's remix of Mory Kante! *begs*

So to end, it's alright to do some character assassination and take a piss every now and then. Just be smart and vague about it. Considering the new laws surrounding blogging etiquette and how some people are more sensitive than others... don't get yourself in trouble by saying "Miss Alice Tua Nay Neh dances like she has a vibrator up her arse". By the way, I made that name up but if you happen to have that exact same name, I'm really sorry for you.